If there’s a voluntary meeting, or event, my first impulse is usually not to go. If I end up going, it’s usually not without some effort to do so.
As I reflect and pray about this, I realize, as some may assume, it’s because I’m an introvert, which isn’t all true – for I get energy and recharge when I’m with others, as well as when I’m by myself – I’m told this is called an ambivert.
None-the-less, I know the deeper truth is my fear of failure, feeling the need to win the approval of others, and my perfectionist mindset. Meaning, my pride and fears are seemingly always lurking to restrain my freedoms, my healing, my opportunities, and my fellowships.
Clearly, we can’t and shouldn’t go to everything, but what are the reasons for our not going, and even our going for that matter?
To go out with full transparency, and authenticity, with no facade, performance, or expectation, but to be fully present, fully real, fully engaged, and fully aware is an awesome position to be in. But it can’t happen when our pride, fear and insecurities take the reins.
The more I realize this truth, the more I desire authentic living. The kind of life Jesus offers. A life of abundant freedom, adventure, testimony, love, kindness, generosity, and truth. Free from judgements, comparisons, ego, performance, and hypocrisies.
As such, my first impulse may be to pull back because living this way is vulnerable, but ultimately it’s that vulnerability, and awareness that propels us to rely, trust, and depend on God as we go in faith, with Hope, and in love, just as Jesus propels us to.
I don’t find this to be easy all the time, but it’s definitely the best way to go, wherever that may be – freely, authentically, and whole heartedly.